The 11 O'Clock News Promo as a Source For Comic Material

In my quest to someday become a viable comedian I have stumbled upon a real treasure trove. I'm speaking of the short five-to-ten second promo they do on my local TV stations for the 11 o'clock news, which usually ends with 'News at eleven!'
The reason I think its such a gold mine is that there really is no good news to report that late at night. Instead they bombard you with a host of no-shit-sherlock moments and bank on the fact that you won't know the difference.

Here's a few of my favorites; if you've got some of your own -- post them in the comments section.

West Virginia Social Worker claims incest rates are skyrocketing
in the wake of state sponsored home-schooling initiative.
News at eleven!

Goldman-Sachs charged with securities fraud. Other banks may soon be charged.
News at eleven!

Local child chokes on hot-dog at country fair.
News at eleven!

Man who won free McDonalds food for a year -- now weighs over 800 pounds.
News at eleven!

Real-estate lobbyist fights to stop traffic decongestion initiative.
News at eleven!

Authorities believe alcohol consumption may have played a role in tragic hunting accident.
News at eleven!

Tornado Strikes Funeral Home.
First responders say all occupants may be dead.
News at eleven!